- How important is choosing the right 12-Step Sponsor.
- It is very important to have a sponsor during your recovery journey—a step guide as your work and path forward unfold.
- Finding the “right” sponsor is not as important as having a sponsor.
- The most important thing is to start! Start now, procrastinate later.
- Agonizing over the choice can be a distraction, another obstacle, or form of resistance in the process of recovery.
- Pick someone you resonate with and start. You can always switch later.
- Don’t let anyone or anything get in the way of your recovery not even a bad sponsor. Your quality of life depends on it.
- START NOW & STAY UNTIL YOU WANT TO STAY!
- What is the process for finding a 12-Step Sponsor?
- I went to four meetings the first week. No one reached out to me. I felt uneasy, alone, and anxious. At the fifth meeting, John came up to me and said, “Hi, we’ve been waiting for you, I’ve saved your seat next to mine.” John has been my sponsor ever since that greeting—ten years ago.
- The best advice I got when starting was to go to many different meetings in my neighborhood. Check them out, see which meetings resonate, with folks who are friendly and know recovery. Then listen to people share. Is there someone you are drawn to? Someone who makes sense to you, someone with experience who seems to know how recovery works.
- Don’t hesitate. Ask that person to be your sponsor. Or, say you’d like to discuss sponsorship with them, discuss their ideas about how they like to sponsor and see if you hit it off. They might say yes, or they might say that they have a full schedule. Ask if they can recommend someone else.
- It’s also acceptable to ask someone to help you get started—a temporary sponsor until you get settled in. Then, if its working for you, great. If you find someone else you prefer, then switch. No worries, it’s common practice.
- What qualities stand out in a good Sponsor?
- Pick A Sponsor Who:
- Has an active sponsor that they interact with regularly.
- Has three or more years of recovery and works the steps.
- Is of your own sex.
- Makes sense to you and is a good listener.
- Will challenge your assumptions about life. After all, those assumptions landed you in your current predicament. A lot of your old ideas must change.
- Can hold their recovery and yours in their hands. At first, it’s not easy. A strong knowledgeable sponsor can help you weather the emotional challenges to come.
- Who will not co-sign your BS.
- Will confront your resistance, your defaults, your ambivalence and your fears. Someone who will ignite your curiosity and best thinking about your struggles with alcohol—and hopes for the future.
- Will make you mad from time to time. If you’re not angry, frustrated, or confused at times, then your sponsor isn’t challenging you to progress and grow. Pick a sponsor that will help you grow.
- Is dedicated to the program, has worked the steps, and is willing to spend time working with you.
- Take note: You are not picking a friend. You are choosing a sponsor.
- For me, it was very important to have a sponsor with a sense of humor. Humor is crucial in recovery. Humor helps mitigate pain, worry, and shame. I love laughing. It never fails to help me put hard things into prospective and not take myself too seriously. As Alan Alda said, “If people are laughing, they’re generally not killing each other.”
- What are red flags when choosing a Sponsor?
- You’ll never know if you chose the right sponsor until you choose one.
- Picking the wrong sponsor is a way to find the right sponsor.
- Now you’ll have a better Idea of what to look for.
- Red Flags:
- A sponsor with their own agenda for you outside the program.
- Wants to dictate your life choices. A sponsor’s primary job is to guide you through the steps.
- Someone who won’t accept honest feedback from you.
- A sponsor who gossips and could threaten your anonymity.
- Someone who isn’t committed to active recovery.
- An Inexperienced sponsor.
- A sponsor based on sexual attraction.
- A talker, a know it all, a compulsive advice giver
- Someone who doesn’t listen.
- Someone who is unemployed or does not have a well-rounded life outside of your 12 Step Program.
- Someone who doesn’t answer the phone and misses appointments.
- What should you do if your Sponsor isn’t the right fit?
- Recovery works, but it doesn’t work your way. Be aware: It may not be your sponsor. It maybe you. I found, especially in early recovery, when I was cranky and had many objections, that If I had a problem, the problem was me. Not my sponsor, me. This is as true today as it was then.
- Are you chafing at the program, what it’s asking of you? Are you feeling discomfort, are you out of your happy zone? Of course you are.
- Give your sponsor some time. Trust your instincts. Beginning recovery can be uncomfortable. Don’t project your discomfort onto others, especially your sponsor. Give time—time.
- If after a few months you feel that you aren’t a match and that a change is necessary for your recovery, then of course discuss it with your current sponsor.
- There may be changes one or both of you need to make to move forward.
- If no common ground can be found, then move on.
- This can feel awkward at first, but if you can’t tell your sponsor the truth then your recovery will bog down in uneasiness and resentment.
- Now you have a clearer idea of what’s going to work for you.
- There’s no shortage of qualified members in your 12-Step program. Keep Coming Back. You’ll find someone just right for you. Good luck and welcome! We’ve been waiting for you.
- 12-Step Recovery is a Life Altering Process.
- The measure of achievement is action minus resistance. The HOWof recovery is Honesty, Openness & Willingness. Jump in whole heartedly with both feet and take your body too. I don’t know a single person who has regretted getting better. It’s a miraculous process. Stay for your miracle.